Will she ever learn?

Jyll asked me to post a comment about what happened to her this weekend. Will she ever learn to not ask me to post stories that invlove her?

On Saturday, Jyll was hobbled (if you've ever seen or read Stephen King's "Misery" you'll understsand...if not, then you'll have to read it to get what hobbled means).

Saturday night was a General Relief Society broadcast for the church. Jyll dreaded it all week long. She could not stand the fact that she would have to get up off the couch to go and listen to the Prophets voice as it directly relates to women in the Relief Society. On Saturday morning, she began to make crazy and wild threats about harming herself in order to not go. I thought she was just whining.

Well, as she was getting ready to go, I settled in for a nice long evening alone with the kids (who, when I'm babysitting, spend the time locked up in our basement with the rats so they leave me alone). I was comfortably sprawled out on the floor, remote control in hand watching the news (ESPN). In only 15 minutes, two college football games were on that I truly needed to see in order to help me advance toward eternal happiness. I was going to watch one, and record the other, then watch it later. THIS IS IMPORTANT STUFF!

Finally, Jyll decided to pull her little stunt. On the second stair (from the BOTTOM...not even the top to make it a GOOD excuse) she decided to jump up and down landing on the side of her foot repeatedly until it finally collapsed and she fell down the stair (ok...stairS, but remember it was only 2 stairs). She then began to scream that her ankle was broken, blah, blah, blah.

Being the kind, generous helpful man that I am, I unselfishly turned off the TV...without even recording the game!!! I picked her up (literally, because she CHOSE not to walk...all part of her ploy to miss Relief Society I think) and carried her to the car so I could get her to the church. She wasn't going to skip if I had anything to do with it. Unfortunately, a friend of hers showed up at the house, and bought in to her "excuse" and suggested I take her to the hospital (just because she's pregnant, people think falling down a STAIR is scary or something).

So, I brushed the rats off the kids and dragged them out of the basement so Jyll's friend could take them to a babysitter (apparently she wanted to be late to the meeting...LAZY). I took Jyll to the Emergency Room where I learned that doctors are idiots (I'll tell you that story another time). They looked at her and said...nothing of importance--other that "it's not broken" which I could have told you (Drama Queen Jyll was just trying to skip a meeting, remember?). So we took her to the Women's Center where they monitored the baby...and I watched football...for an hour. Unfortunately, the hour I saw was the least important hour of any of the game(s) that I wanted...NO...NEEDED to see (remember the part about eternal happiness).

In the end, the baby was fine, Jyll has a badly sprained ankle...which conveniently allows her to skip church, abuse pain medications and lay on the couch all day long while I cook, clean, and lock the children in the basement with the rats. Pretty crafty that Jyll is. She even lined up the Relief Society (remember the organization she shunned on Saturday Night) to bring her food and babysit the kids while I go to work during the week.

Ok, in reality, Jyll really was looking forward to the broadcast (so she could get away from the kids). It really was an accidental fall--at least I believe her that it was. I didn't actually see it. I was reading my scriptures (okay, I was watching ESPN...but both are equally important in terms of happiness, RIGHT?). Her friend who showed up was very helpful in finding a babysitter. The doctors in the ER were really idiots. The baby is fine, and I only saw 1 hour of college football Saturday night. Jyll is now high on Vicadin while she ices her ankle and tries to rest it. It has been a tough weekend around here. But the one important thing remains...the Seahawks are 3-0.

P.S. I know I'm a jack-ass. Jyll tells me often.